Fat and Ugly

Did those two words get your attention? Because they certainly got mine. I felt very hesitant to write this post, but decided to go for it. Both for myself and for others. While StephSnacks is about eating right, fitness, and being able to have fun and feel free, I also want this blog to be an open-forum of honesty and real life situations. I hate to say that I’ve cried over this one too many times, even today, but whatever happened last night really triggered something in me and it seems I’m still very fragile about this topic and I need to address it.

Let’s get to it. Last night, as Brittany and I were coming home from our friends birthday, we were waiting to cross the street as a very clearly angry girl was screaming at her boyfriend and his friend. She was causing such a ruckus and scene that it was difficult not to watch everything unfold. I just kind of stood there looking on–not staring by any means–and also just waiting anxiously for the light to turn green so we could cross the street.

The friend that was with this girls boyfriend felt the need to throw a pretty harsh word towards Brittany and then of course hurled one my way. “Oh and by the way”, he yelled at Britt, “Your friend is fat and ugly”. All I could feel was my body start to sting from the inside out. It wasn’t so much the ugly part that got to me, because to be honest, whether someone is ‘gorgeous’ or not really doesn’t phase me. It was the fat part. Are you kidding? Do we even know each other? I just walked on, pretending I didn’t hear it, and got on the subway.

All the way home I silently cried in my seat. For me, being called fat is one of the worst things in the world. I have been called fat on and off my whole entire life… probably from when I was four or five years old. I remember every single time I was called this word from my early elementary days to today, as an almost 24 year old woman. It is cruel, embarrassing, and downright mean. Maybe it’s because I cannot imagine myself ever making fun of someones looks, but people continue to shock me.

I fell asleep crying and woke up crying. Something really went off inside of me. To be honest, I’m just grateful that I’m not in a bad place anymore and won’t let this make me spin out of control in a weight loss frenzy as I did during high school. However, that being said, unless you’ve been in the position where you have been called fat basically your whole life, no words really make it feel better.

I’m still learning and feeling and trying to understand why it is that I can’t just brush these things off my shoulder. I know that I am not fat, I know that I workout, eat right, and still enjoy myself. I know that I am not ugly. BUT even if someone is over-weight and not the best looking girl in the room, why the hell does it matter so damn much? What does it bother people so incredibly much? I don’t think I’ll be able to figure that out. I’m not sure anyone can.

Demi Lovato released a beautiful song called ‘Skyscraper’ just a few months back and it really touched me. I can relate to the lyrics, even if she and I have been through very different struggles. At the same time, anyone who has been tormented for looks, weight, or anything sensitive to them knows how it feels to fight what basically seems like a losing battle. The only way to come out on top is to be able to flip someone the bird and feel absolutely confident and wonderful about yourself. Obviously I’m still working on that, and I’m not ashamed to say it.

I know this post was heavy. I apologize if it was a bit too much for some to read, but I had to write it in order to feel a bit more ‘free’ of it. I’ll leave you with a quote from ‘Skyscraper’ that is just one of the many lyrics in song that I love.

‘You can take everything I have, you can break everything I am, like I’m made of glass, like I’m made of paper. Go on and try to tear my down, I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper’



29 responses to “Fat and Ugly

  1. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.

  2. This was beautiful…and you look amazing I haven’t seen you since elementary…and you’ve never looked better

  3. Brittany @ Itty Bits of Balance

    Man, does this post speak to me too clearly. I have been in your shoes, girl. I KNOW how it is to be called “fat” and literally wanting to cut off all nourishment for life (not that you thought that, but I’m just sayin..). It sucks, it’s harsh, and there’s really nothing to do about it. People will ALWAYS say mean things for no particular reason.

    However, the REASON that it matters so much to him is because our society is brainwashed into thinking that it does. Nobody looks at the hearts of people on first impression, but rather they look at the waist size and bust line. It’s a sad reality but its completely true. The fact of the matter is that the random guy in the car wanted to say something that would make him seem powerful, and he achieved that by making you feel like crap.

    Let’s be real– you are beautiful, inside and out. You proved it by writing this post and putting your feelings out there for all to see. Don’t let that guy ruin your day, let alone your perception of yourself. I can tell just by reading your blog that you have your life more together than that random guy does, and probably ever will.

    Sorry for the essay– just had a lot to say. This topic hits too close to home.

    Love your blog, girl 🙂

    • I couldn’t agree with you more; I really do think a majority of our society is so incredibly ‘looks’ conscious. It’s normal to spot a pretty girl or a good looking guy, but then to criticize everyone else whom you don’t ‘deem’ good-looking or thin enough? That’s just crazy to me. Thank you ten million times over for such support–it is comforting to know that others have been in my shoes. I love your blog as well and am sooo happy that I found it!

  4. Reading this post literally brought be to tears. I have been called fat ugly and much more my entire life. I was ostracized throughout elementary school being called numerous hurtful names and being told that no one liked me and I should just kill myself. I have always been extremely self conscious especially when it comes to my weight and it def didn’t help that I am the biggest in my family. I’ve struggled with weight my whole life and am still working on it. Even to this day if someone makes certain comments to me, even if its meant as a joke it still gets to me. My friends tell me I’m too sensitive and maybe I am but when certain comments are made it takes me right back to elementary school and all the feelings and emotions come back too. People really don’t realize how much damage words can do to a person emotionally. Sometimes even when you try your hardest to let go and move past things it can still come back to haunt you.

    • Keri you are so incredibly strong and determined. I feel like whatever you set your mind to, you try everything in your power to achieve that goal. Even going to all those workout and boxing classes is a huge step for anyone looking to shed a few pounds or just tone up. Going through your experience makes you realize what you want in a friend and in a partner. If someone can’t accept you for not living up to their ‘standards’, then they seriously need to re-evaluate what they look for in a person. People don’t realize how damaging and nasty their comments can be.

  5. Most people say these mean and harsh words because somewhere along the line they were called that as well. So to make themselves feel better they say it to someone else. It’s a harsh cycle which needs to end. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and should be proud of who they are. No one deserves to be treated so harshly. Not from a friend or a stranger. We have all seen how damaging words can be. Just look in the paper of how many people hurt and or kill themselves because of taunting s of words. Just because one person feels bad about themselves does not give them the right to hurt someone else. STAND PROUD AND BEAUTIFUL AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENTLY!!

    • Thank you, Marla. Words can be really damaging to how someone feels about themselves and it is incredibly unfortunate. Some people just really don’t know what respect actually is.

  6. Steph,

    Number one, you are the EXACT opposites of what that boy said. Number two, I’ve been there, being the tallest one in my class from like k-2nd grade, i was nicknamed the overgrown kindergardener and was thrown the fat and ugly words too. I definitely feel your pain. Also remember, that guy was super heated and if he was arguing with his gf.. was already extremely furious with any girl that crossed his path. we may think boys are dumb, but they know EXACTLY what to say to get to us, and this guy seemed to be doing just that, not only to his gf but any other female he saw. I’m sure Gilly can tell you stories of me punching kids in the face freshman year after being called an ugly bitch, when they didn’t even know me, it was just because they were drunk assholes. (Not my fondest moments) but long story short. Don’t let some random asshole’s words get you down. As Christina Aguilera sang, “you are beautiful in every single way, words can’t bring me (you) down.” Listen to it, and her stronger song.. they help me! esp. when i’m feeling down.

    • You’re probably right–this guy was definitely in the heat of the moment and trying to throw any nasty words my way. I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough time with people judging your appearance–it is absolutely unbelievable and unfair to judge someone on the way they look. There comes a point when enough is enough. Thank you for being so kind, Alysa! xox

  7. Steph,
    This is a quote I live by. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to people’s harsh words, your beautiful inside and out!

    “Keep your head up, gorgeous; they’d kill to see you fall.”

  8. So sorry this happened to you Steph! Obviously, you know that it’s NOT true!

    I think everyone has experienced hearing something about themselves that really hurt — whether it relates to looks or some other personality trait.

    I always try to remind myself when I hear something negative that I’m doing the best I can in all aspects of my life & no one is ever going to be perfect.

  9. I love you steph 🙂

  10. Do you know someone who is angry, thoughtless, and cruel doesn’t care if you are fat, skinny, ugly, gorgeous..they just fling something mean in order to passify their own pain and inner fears? Words which are intended to hurt should be ignored. They are 100% meaningless.
    As for how you felt, we all have trigger points. I bet for 95% of women, even those within healthy weight ranges would cower at being called fat. It’s not something most women can shrug off. Be we’re stronger than that because we know our own inner beauty.
    Steph, you’re all about health and well being. You know you’re beautiful, fit and healthy. That person who verbally attacked you and your friend, they are so unhealthy and unhappy inside. It’s too bad but a good thing you don’t ever have to see them again.

    • You couldn’t be more correct — I keep thinking to myself how negative and angry that person must have been to say such un-true and awful things to people he didn’t even know. If I saw him again, I’d probably have a word or two for him. But in all honesty, I’m glad I was able to just walk away from the situation.

  11. You are SO beautiful and such an inspiration for me to eat healthier! Just an FYI, I’m consistently a size 4, on my biggest day a size 8, and have been called a fat bitch twice in my life! Just goes to show you that sometimes words are said just with the intention of hurting, even when they’re inaccurate! Stupid guy

    • Thank you so much, Jessica! I have some of the most fantastic readers, including you. Whoever called you such nasty words really needs to evaluate themselves a bit more.

  12. Wow, Steph, well put! I think blogs are a great place to talk about these things, even if it’s not in every post. It’s such a frustrating, hurtful situation that most (esp. women) can relate to. We’ve all been there at one point, whether we were offhandedly called “fat” or “ugly” or both. It’s such a simple, monosyllabic word, but yet so powerful. I’m with ya on not yet knowing how to brush it off. I think those that use words like that probably have a sense of the power they yield because of it. I guess I don’t really have a solution or conclusion, but just a hope that as we get older we will be able to see beyond the moment and maintain our sense of selfe and confidence–like how you would have reacted in HS, but now are able to hold on to stability.
    And, by the way, I thought you were gorgeous from the moment I clicked on Steph Snacks. First impression, and I really mean that. Just sayin’. 🙂

    • Kiah thank you so much for such a kind comment. I have to say that all of this support is absolutely mind-blowing and incredible. There really is no ‘answer’ at the end of the day; at the end of the day the comment won’t hurt if you just feel fully good about yourself. I’m still getting there. PS–You are gorgeous, as well!

  13. Hey Steph! I am so proud of you for posting such an open and honest entry about the total lack of respect that people can have for others and the complete insensitivity ignorant people can display. For all the years I have known you, I always thought of you as strong, successful, so driven, so motivated, and unbelievably hardworking (pencilling me in for a phone convo? hahaha). Anyone low enough to put you down is just jealous of all you have accomplished and all you will accomplish. I know very few people who show the intense will power that you show each and every day in your professional and personal life. I know comments like that suck to say the least and sometimes even the strongest of people can get a little caught off guard from it, but you know you are better than that. NO MORE TEARS GIRLFRIEND!

    Love you!

    • Fee this comment made me laugh with the ‘can I pencil you in for a phone call?’. Haha! That was so funny. You are the absolute best and definitely one of my shoulders to lean on. I can’t thank you enough for all of the support of you have given me over the years; you are truly an irreplaceable friend.

  14. Pingback: Thank You |

  15. Steph, you are such a gorgeous girl to me.. and I can tell you have an even more gorgeous heart. Clearly, the guy has too many issues of his own that he has to belt out harsh remarks to make himself feel better. As people, especially young women, we are vulnerable to physical judgements and no matter how bad we struggle with personal thoughts or others judgements it is best to remind ourselves, we KNOW who we are, what we stand for, and it may take a day or two to get over it but eventually we will come out stronger. I have to remind myself of that each day, as everyone has their own personal struggles. You are a strong girl and look awesome!

    • Thanks so much, Mindy. I think that I truly do know who I am and what I stand for, but once in a while it’s easy to stumble when a curve ball is thrown your way. All of this has definitely made me a stronger, more determined person throughout the years.

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